


In front of the entire bar, bro!

by patchfire, raving_liberal



Series: We Found It On Tumblr [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alive Finn Hudson, Bro - Freeform, But He's Still Whiny, Drunk confessions, French Fries Are Serious Business, In Puck's Defense It Could Be An Issue Of Keeping Kosher, Inspired By Tumblr, Just Tumblr Post Inspired, M/M, Not Exactly Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 14:13:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2391293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patchfire/pseuds/patchfire, https://archiveofourown.org/users/raving_liberal/pseuds/raving_liberal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You called me a bitch in front of the entire bar, bro! The whole bar!”</p><p>Inspired by <a href="http://gaydicks420.tumblr.com/post/88145274822/last-night-i-woke-up-because-two-dudes-were">this Tumblr post</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In front of the entire bar, bro!

“The cheese got on my fries!” Puck glares at his fries and then takes another drink of his fourth beer. 

“Dude, just eat around the cheese,” Finn says. He put his glass down, pointing at it when the bartender walks by, so she knows to pour him another one. “It’s just cheese. It’s not, like, _lava_.”

“It’s on, like, a _third_ of them!” Puck whines, poking at the cheese-fries with his finger. “Did you tell her to get me another beer, too?” 

“She knows. And oh my god, I’ll eat the cheese ones, okay? Just quit bitching about it!”

“What did you say?” Puck says, sounding injured. 

“I said,” Finn says, raising his voice with each word, “quit _bitching_.”

“Dude!” Puck frowns exaggeratedly at Finn. “I’m not a bitch!” 

“Dude! You so are! It’s just cheese on your fries!”

“I am not! They’re ruined!” 

“If I buy you another fucking basket of fries, will you quit bitching about it?” Finn asks. 

Puck keeps frowning, then nods. “Not a bitch,” he mutters. 

Finn just ignores him, ordering another basket of fries, which he swaps with Puck’s cheese-tainted ones. Puck glares and eats his fries and keeps drinking, up until the bartender finally leans over and says to Finn, “I think seven’s your friend’s lucky number.”

“No, it’s thirteen,” Finn says.

“Well, then tonight it’s seven, ‘cause I’m cutting him off,” she says. “Got it?”

“Yeah, okay,” Finn says, turning to Puck. “She’s cutting you off.”

“Fine,” Puck says, making a face at Finn. “Why?” 

“She says it’s ‘cause you’re a fry bitch,” Finn say, trying it keep his face straight, which doesn’t actually work, since he’s also about at his cut-off point. 

“Finn!” Puck says, sounding appalled. “Take it back!”

“No way. Total fry bitch!” Finn insists. 

“I’m not!” 

“Are!” Finn says. He slaps some cash down on the bar, and the bartender takes it without looking directly at either of them. “Ready to walk back?”

“Do we have more beer back in the apartment?” Puck asks, lurching off his seat. 

“Probably. Possibly.”

“Then let’s go,” Puck says. He walks out of the Applebee’s, clearly unsteady on his feet, and he stands still outside the door for a moment, then frowns at Finn. “Right or left?” 

“Neither,” Finn says. He holds out one hand, in case Puck really starts to fall. “We have to cross the street first, remember?”

“Nope,” Puck says. “This was a good idea. I think.” 

“Except the part where you don’t remember where our apartment is,” Finn says. 

“That’s why you’re here, right?” 

“Right, I guess,” Finn says, grabbing Puck’s elbow to steer him across the street. “And left.”

They’re almost back to the apartment when Puck stops in his tracks. “You called me a bitch.” 

“Yeah, ‘cause you were being one,” Finn says.

“You called me a bitch in front of the entire bar, bro! The whole bar!”

“It was just, like, the bartender and that one dude on the end with the greasy beard,” Finn says. “And you were totally acting like one. It was just _cheese_.”

“Why would you do that, bro?” Puck asks, looking devastated as he stares at Finn. 

“Oh my god, maybe because it was just cheese, bro!”

“I’m not a bitch. You don’t really think I’m a bitch. Do you? You don’t, right?” Puck rambles, starting to walk towards the wrong apartment door. 

“No, I think you’re a _jackass_ ,” Finn says, hauling Puck back by the elbow. “Don’t go into somebody else’s apartment, dude, seriously.”

“I’m not a jackass, either!” Puck grabs at Finn, eventually slinging one arm over Finn’s shoulder. “I’m not a bitch,” he repeats forlornly. 

“You’re just drunk,” Finn says. He puts his arm around Puck’s waist and directs him to their apartment door. “This one, dude.”

“You’re my very best friend,” Puck says, “but I’m not your bitch.” 

Finn laughs, freeing his arm from Puck to unlock the front door. “Good. I don’t need a bitch.”

“‘M not one of those, either,” Puck says. “You’re just my best friend, you know that?” 

“Yeah, I know,” Finn says. Once they’re inside, Finn deposits Puck on the futon. Well, he tries to deposit Puck, but Puck still has his arm over Finn’s shoulder, and it’s not like Finn stopped drinking before Puck did or anything. He ends up awkwardly tipping over onto the futon himself.

“See? Best friends,” Puck says, patting Finn’s shoulder with his hand. “I love you. Even if I’m your bitch.” 

“You’re sooooo drunk,” Finn says. “And I love you, too, even if you freak out about cheese, like, fifty times more than somebody needs to.”

“Cheese bitch,” Puck mutters. 

“Yeah, cheese bitch,” Finn agrees.

“I really love you,” Puck says, sounding more coherent, and then after thirty or so seconds, he starts snoring. 

“Yeah, I really love you, too,” Finn says. He leans against Puck and closes his eyes.

 

Puck groans as soon as he opens his eyes. “Ow, ow, ow,” he mutters, closing his eyes again and trying to figure out how he and Finn ended up sleeping on the futon. “Owww my head.” 

“Shhhhh,” Finn says. “Too loud, dude. Too loud.”

“What did I drink?” Puck moans. “Oww.” 

“Beer,” Finn says.

“Why?” Puck says, starting to shake his head and then stopping. “Wait. Did you call me a _fry bitch_?” 

“Yeah,” Finn says. “You were being one.”

“I’m not a _fry_ bitch,” Puck says. “What else did I say? Did we walk home?” 

“I walked. You kinda schlumped.”

Puck frowns, trying to remember walking home. “You told me not to go in the wrong apartment?” 

“Did you want me to let you?” Finn asks.

“What… what did I say?” Puck says, shaking his head very slightly and then wincing. 

“You were really upset about the fry bitch thing,” Finn says. “And you kept calling me ‘bro’.”

“That’s it?” Puck says, feeling a little relieved. 

Finn shrugs, propping himself up to sitting. “Yeah, mostly. Also, I’m your best friend.”

“Okay.” Puck lets his head drop gently against the futon. “So nothing crazy.” 

“I don’t know. Freaking out over cheese is kinda crazy.”

“Nothing crazier than that. Right?” Puck asks, because he thinks he was rambling, but maybe he was just rambling in his head and didn’t say anything out loud.

“Well, I mean, you said you loved me, but you also called me ‘bro’ a lot,” Finn says. “So that probably cancels itself out.”

“Oh.” Puck closes his eyes and winces again. “So I did say that.” 

“Yeah.” Finn shrugs again.

“So… I called you bro, said I wasn’t a bitch, told you that you were my best friend, and then that I loved you?” 

“You also said you weren’t my bitch,” Finn says, like he’s telling Puck something that’s particularly helpful. “Which, I agreed with.”

“Well, that’s… good?” Puck says. “Remind me not to drink… how many beers did I drink?” 

“Seven.”

“Okay, yeah, don’t let me drink more than five beers, so you can avoid drunken confessions.” 

Finn laughs, then squints his eyes like he does when his head hurts. “So you were really serious about not being my bitch, huh?”

“Did you want me to be? ‘Cause I was thinking no,” Puck says. 

“Nah, not really. Seemed like that would upset you a lot or something.”

“Yeah.” Puck sighs a little. “Sorry about the, you know. Word vomit.” 

“It’s cool,” Finn says. “Sorry I called you a fry bitch.”

“Yeah, but that’s not true,” Puck says dismissively. 

“Okay, then I’m sorry I called you a jackass, even if that’s a little bit true,” Finn says. 

“Hey. I said nice things,” Puck says. 

“So you really secretly want to call me ‘bro’ all the time?”

“Maybe not that,” Puck says with a small shrug and then a wince. 

“What, do you really love me or something?” Finn asks, grinning at him. “That’s so sweet, dude. You looooove me.”

“Uh.” Puck winces again. “Yeah. Sweet.” That isn’t exactly what he meant to let on. 

“It was!”

“Well, good?” Puck says, and he closes his eyes, because that seems like the best option for the moment. “‘Cause yeah.” 

“Yeah?” Finn asks. He bumps Puck’s shoulder gently. 

Puck half-grins, but he doesn’t bump his shoulder back against Finn. “Like I said, drunken confessions for a thousand, Alex.”

Finn bumps him again, even more gently. “For real?” He doesn’t sound doubtful, just tentative.

Puck groans softly and cracks one eye open. “For real.” 

“Like, for _real_?” Finn asks, looking at Puck out of the corners of his eyes. 

“Yeah, for real,” Puck says as he opens both eyes. “But, uh. Still not your bitch.” 

“I don’t want you to be,” Finn says.

“Your bitch?” Puck asks, just to make sure. “Or…”

“My bitch. I don’t want you to be my bitch.”

“Yeah, that’s good, then.” Puck meets Finn’s eyes for a moment. “What about the other thing?” 

“The you love me thing?” Finn asks.

“Yeah. That.” 

“No, that’s cool,” Finn says. He smiles at Puck, just one corner of his mouth turning up at first, then the whole thing. “It’s really cool.”

Puck shrugs a little. “Yeah? Cool?”

“Yeah,” Finn says, nodding. 

“Cool like… you’re not going to freak out on me, or cool like… awesome, and I should do something now?” 

“Both?”

Puck laughs and then lifts his head up, kissing Finn a little more gently than he means to. Finn seems a little startled, but he doesn’t pull away, and actually kisses back a little more firmly, resting a hand on Puck’s shoulder. Puck kisses Finn until his neck and head give out, and he flops back onto the futon again. 

“Yeah?” Puck asks. 

Finn nod. “Yeah. Definitely.”

Puck grins. “Still not a fry bitch.” 

“You kinda still are,” Finn says, “but I kinda still love you anyway.” He grins widely and adds, “Bro.”


End file.
